My good friend Rabbi Lederman wonders about whether or not I had ever wished that I had died at the scene of the “accident”.
What a thought provoking question!
I suppose there might be room for such an inquiry. After all, in one unforgiving instant my entire life was turned upside down.
Up until that moment I had felt on top of the world. And for good reason!
I earned a very high profile in the Ottawa Jewish community. The community adored me as much as I adored them! Chief among my beloved community were the many hundreds of my students whom I truly love.
I was selected as a Greenspoon-Steinheardt award winner for the top Jewish educators across North America.
Most importantly, we were changing lives Jewishly as much as we were being changed for the better!
Then poof, it all disappeared. Or so it may have seemed.
This is besides the obvious loss of control over my body. My body no longer behaved the way I wanted it to. We mustn’t leave out my constant companion of physical pain.
The past five years have been an exercise in gains, losses and regrowth. I suffered numerous quad related hospitalizations. Because of this, I was separated from my family for about a year of this time.
Now a whole new situation hit me. I can no longer speak or eat delicious food. I can no longer deliver uplifting lectures to small and large crowds.
Yes, the question is a valid one. Did I ever wish that I could’ve saved myself all the physical and emotional turmoil by being taken on the spot?
Allow me to make myself super abundantly clear!
I never ever entertained such a thought! It never even entered my mind before quickly dismissing it!
Why, you may ask? Because I embrace my life however it looks or feels!
I wake up every morning hearing the birds sing! I immediately hear my youngest children frolicking and carrying on! Then the older ones peeter patter down for breakfast. I hear their spoons clanging in their cereal bowls!
The point is they behave like normal and well adjusted kids. I wonder what the scene might have looked like had I not been there?
I still have the same responsibility to be there for my family. And I’m so grateful that I am!
I had always viewed my life’s mission to use whatever resources I had at my disposal to be mekadesh Hashem (sanctify God’s name). I am so grateful that I can still do that!
I had always loved nature. I’m so grateful that I can still partake of Hashem’s stunning luxuries that surrounds us!
I especially get inspired when I can touch people’s lives. I am so grateful that I have opportunities, almost daily, to do so!
I must make mention of this blog. Sharing my thoughts and feelings with you, my loyal readers, and hearing your comments, helps brighten my day. And for that I am so grateful!
For all these reasons and more I am most grateful to be here!